Greetings from here. It has been a while.
When I last posted I had come off a rough Winter and Spring. I over committed and that became even more complicated. My daughter was in charge of a retreat and the planning and prep and team building for the volunteers took up ten Sundays which is one of my days off from work when I crash and sleep. Being the Winter I was already in a bad spot depression wise.
I was just supposed to be a helper on one team or another but that became more complicated. She had asked our minister to be one of the two spiritual directors but he resigned from our congregation and I was thrown into the role. I was certainly unsuited for the job and depression and anxiety increased.
Further stress from our congregation going through conflict as the minister left and existing complications being exasperated. A number of members left, including long time members and newer members. I know some found other places to worship.
So, one could say it was a train wreck of a time. A confluence of complications.
I know I was returning to a usual level of depression and anxiety as we entered Summer. Little things were improving and much of the grief stages had been lived through. Still, things bagged at me. Failures? It felt like it.
I do see August 2018 as a turning point. We went to Soulfest in New Hampshire which is a four day Christian music festival at Gunstock Mountain. It certainly put me in touch with my spiritual side in a more “heart” manner than usual “head” manner. (A combination of both is good).
The upbeat trend has continued since then. I got to get more physical and mental sunshine. I know I have had extended good periods in the past. I am enjoying this one. Still some nagging depression and anxiety but I am doing quite well.
On a religious note I thank God for this blessing and how much of the positive changes seemed just be given to me.
May the new year being you blessings.
I am a creature of habit, good and bad. I like routine especially to get through tough times and comfort in comfortable situations. Good habit routines can get the job done to some extent. Need to break some part of the routine monotony and anxiety.
I think it is time to refocus. Work may well continue to be unsatisfying and frustrating so a change there would worth exploring. More importantly is my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self.
Been thinking about this again lately but haven’t made a breakthrough. A minor frustration related to an ongoing area of anxiety prompted me to post this but it in and of itself isn’t what is the problem.
Want to do more things I haven’t done before. At least that can add variety or lessen the theme of not following through on doing more interesting things.
(as posted today on Facebook)
Another Winter season held on here in southern New England USA. Snow into April. While not an oddity it still is past the expiration date of daily patience. I shan’t complain too much. I have the advantage of vacation days I can use when the weather means closings in my department at work. All in all there wasn’t as much heavy shoveling as there could have been.
Stress and anxiety as I am sure we all experience. Winter is hard enough with depression. Yes, treated with medication and even a sunlamp this year. Work gets stressful too so the added Winter blues don’t help. Add to that my helping in the planning of a retreat and being on the team that weekend kept me busy every weekend for three months. On top of all that was complications at my home church with the minister leaving. We all had the usual grieving process in our own ways.
My mental health and spiritual life were off track anyway but everything thrown together really left me feeling wrung out. Anxiety attacks were frequent. The retreat at least gave me some food for thought coming out of it and being able to process the experience post being busy working on it.
Been back to work feeling more so that it is time to make a change. 13+ years is a lot. Some changes within the job itself which have helped but business isn’t what it was before the recession of 2008 and competition continues to increase.
Seeing as major and minor changes keep the downsizing trend in motion I have to get back into the job hunting game. Never have been comfortable with job hunting, interviewing, and resume (CV) writing.
(Sorry, birds. The suet feeder had to remain closed all Winter)
Not a bad Summer weather wise here in southern New England, USA. At least for those of us working inside all day. True, there have been times when it is too hot or it’s raining altering plans.
Frustrations abound, but isn’t that true for us all? Work is ok but full of its own frustrations. Downsizing at my place of employment since the recession took off in 2008. Lost a lot of good people in my department a few years ago with a buy out. Two years ago we lost most of the rest of the experienced workers when most of the jobs in the department were reduced to part time. Revolving door since as new folks cycle through on their way to full time jobs elsewhere or leaving for other reasons or being let go.
We do have a group of interns from elsewhere in the world but they are only here for a year. The second group is winding down in a few months. Too many new people at the same time to train especially when one considers the percentage of department personnel they represent. They get full time hours because their benefits are through their program and not the company. This makes them eligible for overtime unlike the local part time folks. They are good workers so don’t take this as any kind of complaint about them. Just a general frustration.
I have been full time at my job for almost thirteen years now, in a year I will have been there double the amount of time I spent at my previous job at (world’s largest retail chain). Being one of the folks promoted to a Lead Associate kept me full time.
Still have to wonder if the next big change is in the offing considering slow business. A hiring freeze is leading to a major staff shortage. That and other possible hints have made me nervous of late.
We all know the frustrations and conflicts going on in our country and in the world. Hang on in your corner. Do what is best for yourself and others.
I recently shared on Facebook.
“American Christians have conflated nationalism into religion. Especially the further right one is on the political spectrum. Love of country becomes idolatry. US nationalism and “exceptionalism” teaches we are the new chosen people and our country is ordained by God. I think that is too self centered and used to justify our human choices as only inspired by God and therefore sanctified.”
Six months since a personal post. Time flies and drags. Always busy. Feel like nothing is accomplished. I am sure many of us feel this way.
Maybe it’s the anxiety and depression. Those are being treated and have kept me on an improved course for years now but not beyond a certain point (uncertain point?) Been slogging through.
Is there an answer or just multiple suggestions?
Just a brief check in. I think I covered a bit of ground in my post about my religious journey.
There’s blank space here. I think that symbolises where I am and how can’t express it.
I think we all have a recurring dialogue with our worldviews on various things. The following is a comment I posted on a friend’s FaceBook page. The tendrils of the thoughts have whispered for a while. I don’t see it as a loss of faith or spirituality but how I exist in the religious context in which I am currently involved. I am glad to have the opportunity to exist in a community of faith that operates on allowing us each to be free of dogma.
“While the spiritual side of me (or psyche) feels a connection with the stories, texts and teachings of judeo-christian heritage I have always believed in science’s search for how the universe works and how civilization has benefited from our increasing knowledge. There is a personal connection to the metaphors and allegories of various ancient peoples and how they sought to explain the world and their own history. I also connect with teachings and ideas seeking to improve the human condition which of course can get twisted by institutions of religion and government but I believe there is an inherent goodness in people which needs to be encouraged.”
Likewise a few minutes later a comment on my repost of the above in a FB group garnered a thoughtful response to which I commented as an addendum.
“Part of my questioning is to what degree do I believe in the description of the Christian Godhead? When I was traveling in the depths of poorly treated depression and fatigue I needed to cling on to a level of certainty in God, Jesus and community. On a certain level the deities described in the text are real but on other levels they are metaphors. As the teachings of Jesus are the context of my religious upbringing they resonate with my spiritual being in their familiarity more so than the words of other teachers who taught much of the same lessons.”
The journey continues …